Musings of
by Believe78
Summary: One-shot collection of different characters during/after certain episodes. Former chapter 4 has its own story now : Just say yes Enjoy :) New chapter: Alicia after 4x22. Chapter 4 is m-rated!
1. Peter after 2x21

An idea that I couldn't shake after listening closely to "Today I've lost you" from Take That. I simply had to write it :)

I still don't own The Good Wife :(

Please leave a review. Thank you :)

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The elevator door closed in front of him. He already regretted coming here. He should've known it was too early to talk to her. But he had to come, had to try to get her to agree to talk to him. He had said all the wrong things to her. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply. The image of her telling him to say something that would make her fall in love with him again was still visible to him and it hurt him deeply. He still had thought she loved him, certainly not as much as she had loved him before he destroyed their happiness, but he had hoped she still had deeper feelings for him.

He was no longer sure about that. He had seen the hurt and anger in her eyes and cursed himself that he was the reason for that. He wondered when he had last seen her happy, really happy so the smile was not only on her lips, but also reached her eyes and chased all the hurt, that seemed to have manifested in them since she had learnt about his unfaithfulness, away. He couldn't remember. He wondered if everybody could see it, if she always had this sadness in her gaze. Or was this something that was only present when she looked at him?

He opened his eyes and realized he had reached the parking garage floor. The doors were about to close again. He managed to slip through them, marveling how long he had stood in there, caught in his own thoughts.

He reached his car and got in not really knowing where to go. He no longer had a home. And with home he didn't think about the apartments and houses he had called home during his life. Since Alicia had been with him, anything had been home to him as long as he got to go to sleep with her next to him. So he knew he would never call anyplace his home as long as she wasn't any longer by his side. Would he ever call anything home ever again?

He finally put the key into the ignition and drove slowly out of the garage, contemplating where to go. He couldn't wait to be back in office again, then he at least could stay late at work and only had to go to his apartment to sleep. He sighed deeply and thought for a moment to visit his mother. But he dismissed the idea immediately. He had already heard enough of her complaints. He hated that she solely accused Alicia, when he was the one to blame. But he lacked the strength to argue with her about that at the moment.

He drove through the city aimlessly, dreading to return to that empty apartment, that Alicia had rented for him. Being in there made him feel totally alone. Not even in prison he had felt that lonely, because he had known that when he got out he'd still have his family to come home to. Now even that was lost to him.

He closed his eyes for a moment, stopping at a red light. His previous conversation or rather fight with Alicia echoed in his head. He could kick himself to have mentioned Will Gardner. Although he strongly suspected that Alicia had feelings for Will, he had no proof she had ever acted on them. He had only said it to her face to distract from the fact he was the guilty party here. Looking back he felt ashamed of that and would do anything to take it back. But he couldn't. Just like with everything else he had done and now regretted deeply. Suddenly a loud noise jerked him from his musings. He looked up and realized the light in front of him had turned green. He apologetically waved to the driver behind, who had honked at him and sped away.

He finally steered the car in the direction of his apartment. He couldn't drive around all night. His mood got darker the nearer he got to the place he lived now.

He took the elevator up to his floor and as soon as he stepped over the threshold a deafening silence greeted him. He doubted he would ever like living here. So far he had only bad memories of this place. The worst he could ever imagine, as this might be the place his marriage ended for real. He walked over to the stairs and sat down on the steps, looking around in the still unfamiliar surroundings. The boxes Alicia had packed his things in stood in the same place, yet unopened. He had not had the strength to unpack them. He really detested this place and every time he spent more than five minutes in the living room all he could hear in his head was Alicia's voice telling him she had moved him out of her apartment. She had looked so broken. Just thinking about it made his heart clench. Once again he wished he had mustered the courage to come clean about all his failings right after she had learnt he went to a hooker. But as much as he wished he had not committed these mistakes, he could not change the past. He could only learn from his shortcomings. He remembered an old saying:

_"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back it is meant to be"_

Maybe he could take this to heart and try to make right by Alicia. He would attempt to be patient and hope Alicia could forgive and trust him again some day.

He knew it might be a hollow hope, but he needed something to cling to in order to carry on. And he had learnt tonight that probably nothing he could say would make her change her mind, maybe his actions could. A small smile crossed his lips. The first one in days. He got up and began to unpack the boxes to start what he not expected to be a new life but hopefully a better one.


	2. Veronica during 4x18

The second one in my "Musings of.." collection. This story came to be after Kiki wanted a story based on some spoilers for 4x18 including Veronica. It took a bit of a different turn after some more spoilers emerged. ;)

So, if you want to stay spoiler free, stay clear of this!

Again this is for my A/P family. You are amazing, girls :) And especially for Josie, my partner in crime ;)

So this is what I think could happen in 4x18 from Veronica's point of view.

Please review :)

I do not own The Good Wife :(

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Veronica woke up and was shortly confused about her surroundings. Then she remembered; she was staying in Alicia's guest room and had been to the Gala the previous night. She sat up and regretted it immediately. Her head felt twice the normal size. She slowly sunk back onto the pillow and started massaging her temples. She also recalled that the red wine had been her best buddy during the evening. She sighed and tried to sit up again, more careful this time. She made it without getting sick and swung her legs slowly over the edge of the bed. She could feel she was still drunk and could kick herself that she forgot to take an aspirin before going to bed. She cautiously got up from the bed, switching on the lamp on the nightstand, squinting in pain at the sudden brightness. She looked around the room in search for her purse and after locating it on the armchair in the corner, she walked over there slowly. She shortly rummaged through the contents of the purse finally feeling the outlines of a pill bottle on the bottom. She pulled it out, but even before she had finally removed it from the bag, she realized it was empty. The well known rattling sound was missing. She opened the lid nonetheless and shook it fiercely into her open palm but nothing slid out. She sighed in frustration and threw the empty bottle onto the chair. She felt dizzy and walked over to the bed to sit down. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. When she opened them again her gaze fell on the water bottle on the nightstand. She reached over for it and emptied half the bottle in one big gulp. She felt a little better, but was still sure she needed an aspirin or she would probably be stuck with that headache the whole weekend. She agonized her hurting brain if she had another bottle somewhere, laying back on the bed again, trying to relax. She came up with no solution about the aspirin problem but suddenly she remembered why she had drunk so much last night. A desperate sigh escaped her when she thought about what she had told her grandkids. Looking back she thought it would've been better to keep her mouth shut. She had promised Alicia a long time ago never to tell Grace she had not been planned and Alicia had even contemplated to not have her at all. She couldn't really recall why she had brought it up. The words had been out before she had really thought about what learning this would mean for Grace. She had planned to just drop her luggage at the apartment and then go straight to her St. Patrick's Day party but the kids had insisted that she stayed for a while. She had agreed and opened up the first bottle of wine. This had maybe been a mistake. They had been talking about different things and she had asked how Alicia was doing.

_"She is fine. She told you she made partner, right?" Zach told her, a smile on his face._

_Veronica nearly choked on her sip of wine in surprise. She managed to smile knowingly, hiding she had not known this from her grandchildren. It hurt her that Alicia had not shared this important information with her. Once again she wondered why she had such a problematic relationship with her daughter._

_"Yes, of course, I know. And I am so proud of her." she hoped she had sounded convincing enough._

_"And how is your Dad?" she changed the topic fast to avoid getting caught in her lie and that was the first she came up with. She regretted it immediately. The last thing she wanted to talk about was her son-in-law._

_"He's great!" Grace smiled at her. She took another sip from her wine and reached for the bottle to refill her glass. It was already half empty. She nodded towards Grace, maintaining her fake smile._

_"They are both doing great." Grace grabbed herself another piece of pizza, which they had ordered earlier. "And we also think they went on a date together last week. Don't we, Zach?" she grinned at her brother._

_"Grace! We agreed not to tell anyone what we suspect." Zach cut her off before she could say anything else._

_"What?!" Veronica nearly spit her wine out. "Alicia and your Dad went on a date, like a real date?" she couldn't believe what she just had heard. She somehow had hoped that her words on Thanksgiving had eventually reached one of them. But she should've known better. She never had gotten along very well with Peter and her daughter had never listened to her, not even when she was a child. But she had never thought that they had gotten closer again. That they were even headed to a reconciliation._

_"We think so, yes!" Zach answered her question. She sensed he was not comfortable with this, shooting an angry look at his sister for mentioning it._

_"I can't believe it!" she drained her glass and emptied the rest of the bottle into it._

_"But why, grandma? We are happy they get along better again." Grace watched her suspiciously._

_Veronica did not answer. She stood up and walked into the kitchen, searching for the next bottle to open. Finally she found one, filling up her glass again._

_"Oh, you silly girl. When I think about what would've been spared from my daughter if you never were born." she muttered under her breath while looking out of the window, raising the glass to her lips._

_"What?!" Grace's shocked voice made her turn on the spot. She had not heard that her granddaughter had followed her, standing on the other side of the kitchen island, staring at her, a blank expression on her face._

_"Oh, my God, Grace! I didn't mean it like that." She put her glass on the counter and walked over to Grace who seemed to be frozen to her spot. But when she realized Veronica was approaching her, she backed away towards the dining room door in which Zach stood._

_"What did you mean then?" Zach glared at her, reaching out to his sister and put his hand on her shoulder._

_"I am so sorry, Grace. I never should've said this. It meant nothing." she tried to calm both kids down, but could see on their expressions that she wasn't successful._

_"What did you mean?" Zach's voice grew angrier and she could see tears form in Grace's eyes. A big lump formed in her throat as it dawned on her she would not get out of this. She leaned back towards the counter and gripped it with both hands for support._

_"I never should've said it, but now I have and I guess I have to tell you all now, Grace." she swallowed hard and looked straight into Grace's eyes, which were swimming with unshed tears now._

_"When your Mom learnt she was pregnant with you, Grace, your parents marriage was on rocky grounds. I do not know all details, but it always seemed to me she stayed with your Dad, because she was pregnant with you." she exhaled deeply, somehow relieved it was out. She looked over to the door. Grace had turned and Zach had put his arms around her in a feeble attempt to comfort her._

_Veronica walked a few steps in their direction, but Zach shook his head lightly making her stay where she was._

_"I think, I'd better leave." she whispered and after a last look towards her grandchildren she walked out of the kitchen towards the front door._

_She grabbed her coat in the hallway when she heard steps behind her. She turned and saw Zach walking towards her._

_"I am so sorry, Zach. I do not know what else to say."_

_"Even if this is true, you had no right to say this to Grace! So it really would've been better if you kept quiet." he stared angrily at her._

_"I know, Zach." her gaze wandered to the floor._

_"I guess you really better go, now." she looked up but Zach was no longer watching her but the door._

_She sighed, put on her coat and opened the door. The last thing she heard were Graze's sobs from the living room before the door fell shut behind her._

Veronica remembered vividly now. She sat up again slowly, her head hurting worse now. She grabbed the water bottle again and drained the rest of the liquid fast.

The rest of the evening forming clearly now before her inner eye. She had stood in front of the apartment for a while, attempting to go back in there. But the memory of Zach's icy tone made her stop. Suddenly she realized she had to tell Alicia herself before the kids could get a chance to tell her what she had done. So she called for the elevator and hailed a cab downstairs.

_She stood at the entrance of the big banquet hall, scanning the room for her daughter._

_It was packed with people but finally she saw a familiar face - Will._

_She walked over to him._

_"Excuse me, Will." she approached him. He turned and smiled as he recognized her._

_"Veronica, hi. Nice to see you again. Alicia never mentioned you would be here, too."_

_"Well, I am not really here, but I am looking for Alicia. Do you know where she is? I need to speak to her." she smiled back at Will._

_"I have not seen her in a while. But you can hardly miss her with the dress she is wearing." he smirked at her._

_Suddenly his gaze left her face and wandered to something or someone behind her, his smile turning sad. She turned and saw her daughter and Peter emerging from the crowd. She had to admit that they looked really good together._

_"There she is, Veronica." he looked at her again but she still could see a glimpse of sadness in his eyes._

_"Thank you, Will." she left him and walked towards Alicia and Peter._

_"Mom? What are you doing here? Are the kids ok?" Alicia asked her, a worried tone in her voice._

_"Hi, Alicia. Peter." she tried to smile at them._

_"I need to talk to you alone, Alicia." she grabbed Alicia's elbow and steered her towards the exit not waiting for her daughter to answer._

_"Mom, what is the matter?" Alicia asked her as soon as they had reached the quieter hallway._

_"I told the kids something I rather shouldn't." she couldn't look into Alicia's face._

_"What are you talking about?" Veronica could hear a slight anger in Alicia's voice._

_She inhaled deeply before she told Alicia what had happened._

_"And then I figured I had no other choice than to tell them, that you might have only stayed married to Peter because you were pregnant with Grace." she finished, looking at Alicia for the first time since she had started talking. She saw a mixture of anger and disbelief in her face._

_"How could you? You had no right to do that." Alicia's voice grew louder and she was clearly fighting with tears now._

_"And after you dropped a bomb like that, that is not even entirely true, you just leave them alone?" Alicia shook her head. "I have to go!" she turned and walked inside the banquet hall again._

_"I am sorry!" Veronica called after her. Alicia stopped and turned around again._

_"Too late, Mom. And you wonder why we don't get along!"_

_Alicia had left before Veronica had a chance to say something else. She watched her move through the people finding Peter at the exact same spot they had left him earlier. She saw them talk briefly and Peter shooting her an angry look. She couldn't stand it anymore and left the building._

She did not remember much after that, just that a cab had taken her to a bar and she had drank even more there. At first she had not wanted to come back to the apartment to spend the night, but she figured she had to explain and apologize and so she had returned and let herself in with the spare key the kids had given her, when she had arrived. She knew she had made a big mistake. But there was nothing she could do about that now. She turned her head to look at the alarm clock on the night stand. It was quarter after 4. She'd better get back to sleep but she knew she wouldn't be able to fall asleep without getting something against her painful headache first. So she made her way to the kitchen slowly and carefully not to bump into anything and wake everybody up. She rummaged through all the cupboards but could not find any aspirin or other painkillers. Frustrated with herself she leaned against the kitchen counter, massaging her temples again. She wondered where her daughter kept her medicine and then it dawned on her that she had seen them in the bathroom cabinet in Alicia's bathroom the last time she had stayed here. She wondered if she could manage to sneak in there without waking Alicia up. Another wave of pain in her forehead told her she had no other choice than try.

She walked to Alicia's bedroom door and turned the knob carefully, slowly pushing the door open. She had turned on a lamp in the kitchen and the stream of light from there illuminated the room just enough for her to make out the outline of the bed. She tiptoed into the room, her eyes slowly adjusting to the darker surroundings. Finally she had reached the foot of the bed letting her gaze wander over it. She was about to turn to the bathroom when she stopped and looked back onto the bed. She blinked irritated, not quite believing what she saw. Before her on the bed lay not only her daughter but her son-in-law, too. She backed away a step, watching them closely. Alicia head rested on Peter's chest, her arm spread over his stomach holding his one hand in hers, while his other arm held her closely around her shoulders. Then her glance rested on Alicia's face and she could see a smile on her daughters face. She looked happy. Veronica sighed deeply, turning and leaving the room quietly. After she had closed the door behind her again and made her way back to her own room a thought crossed her mind. Maybe Alicia had taken her words from Thanksgiving to heart after all and had gone for what truly made her happy. For her daughter's sake she hoped she was right.


	3. Alicia after 4x19

Just a little something I had to write after watching 4x19. Alicia's behavior just didn't make sense to me. So I tried to peek into her head.

This is what I "found" :D

The title is borrowed from 'Just give me a reason' by Pink.

I don't own the song or the characters from The Good Wife.

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_**We're not broken, just bent**_

She sat in her bed staring at her phone, shaking her head at herself.

Although she just had called and talked to Will, she couldn't remember why she had dialed his number in the first place. There was no work related thing she wanted to discuss. It just had been an excuse. For what she didn't know. Realizing he was not alone had jerked her back to reality. A reality where she had told him a few days ago they needed to move on. And she had meant it. She had ended it over a year ago after realizing they lived in different worlds. They had worked for a short period of time, hidden away in a bubble, that consisted of secret meetings in hotel rooms. It had been exciting and had helped her after all the disappointment and hurt Peter had caused in her life. But after a few months the thrill had been gone and she realized for it to go on or to take the next step out into the open with their relationship something was missing. It didn't take long to figure out what this missing thing was: Love, plain and simple. She had feelings for Will, but she didn't love him enough to commit to him. So she had no other choice than to break it off. She cried when she told him, partly because she knew it would hurt him but mostly because she had buried her hope of them working together as a real couple. She had always thought of Will as the road not taken. And especially after Peter's scandal surfaced wondered if she had made the right decision back then in choosing Peter over Will.

_Some dreams should never come true 'cause the reality pales in comparison to the fantasy._

She twisted the stem of her wine glass between her fingers and watched the dark red liquid swirl inside. Although she knew this to be true for her and Will she wondered where this hint of jealousy, that had even worked it's way into her dreams the previous night, came from. She liked Laura and thought she would be good for Will. Maybe because back in her mind Will had always been her fallback option if she'd ever divorce Peter. But the thought of ending her marriage with him had been drifting away from her more and more over the last months. She liked being with Peter and felt comfortable in their relationship again. Back when he was in prison and had told her he wanted to change she had not believed him, thought it was a weak try to get her to forgive him. Back then she had not believed she'd ever be able to. She had only stayed out of commitment to her kids and also to prove him she could hold on to something he had tried to destroy.

When his second betrayal was revealed to her she had felt like a fool. Her marriage shattered into a thousand pieces just at a time where it seemed they were slowly finding a way towards each other again. She had felt numb and for the first time ever admitted to herself that this had finally broken them. She had often wondered why she hadn't divorced him then. All hope to ever trust him again had left her and all it would have needed was her word to set the divorce in motion. But something had held her back. And again this something was love. She was still amazed how easy it had been to admit it once Grace had asked her. She had realized it the second the question had left Grace's lips and her hesitation had nothing to do with doubt or insecurity how to answer her daughter. She had needed those few seconds to get her head in sync with what her heart was telling her. After all Peter had put her through she still loved him, not only as the father of her children but for himself; the person he had been and the one he had become. He really had changed. It had not been just empty words as she had assumed. He had given her the time she had needed to realize that his unfaithfulness had not broken them. They had just been bent severely but not beyond repair. She was finally ready to move on and get back where she belonged.

The ring of her cellphone, that still lay on the bed-cover, dragged her from her musings. A smile appeared on her face when she saw the callers name on the display. Once she heard Peter's "Hey, Babe!" she knew her doubts and weird dreams belonged into the past.

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Please tell me what you think! Thanks :)


	4. Alicia after 4x22

This is my take on how the season finale should continue ;) This chapter is M rated!

Enjoy :)

I don't own The Good Wife

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It is the middle of the night when I return to the suite. The lights are dimmed and the rooms are deserted. I walk silently to the second bedroom and check on my kids. I resist the impulse to kiss them on their foreheads as I don't want to wake them. Instead I just stay in the door and watch them sleep, wondering if I am really doing the right thing. Starting my own firm with Cary will have me away from home even more. I hope they can understand I need to do this for myself. It is no secret that I am not happy with the way some things are handled at Lockhart/Gardner. I think that I can do it better and I decided to go and try to prove it tonight. I somehow feel relieved since I told Cary the words 'I'm in' earlier. I turn and close the door behind me, walking down the corridor towards the master bedroom. My guess is that Peter is already asleep when I see a glimmer of light peer through under the door. For a second I hope he is still awake. I somehow long to have him take me in his arms right now. But I don't think I'd have the heart to wake him up. I open the door and expect to find him asleep on the bed with the light on. To my surprise he sits in the armchair in the corner holding a glass of scotch in one of his hands. His lips curl up into a smile when he sees me entering the room. He stands up from the chair but I shake my head to stop him and walk over to him instead. He places the glass on the nightstand as I sit down on his lap and he slips both arms around me. A small sigh escapes my lips as I lean my head on his shoulder, inhaling his scent deeply.

"Sorry, I had to leave." I tell him as I place a soft kiss on his neck.

"Case?" he asks while pulling me closer. I shut my eyes and relax for the first time in days.

"Yes." I lie though I am dying to tell him what I have decided to do. But not now. Tonight is his night and my news can wait at least another few hours. The good ones as well as the bad ones. I know I have to tell him that I kissed Will. I need to. I will not commit to the renewal of our vows without him knowing. I realize this might make him reconsider his proposal but I can't keep him in the dark.

"Alicia?" I open my eyes as I hear him say my name. I lift my head and see him watch me, concern in his eyes.

"I need to tell you something." I can hear the severity in his tone but choose to ignore it.

"Not now." I shake my head and lean in to kiss him. I can still taste the scotch on his lips.

"Ok." I hear him mumble in the kiss. I slide both my arms around his neck deepening the kiss. I feel him lift me up and carry me over to the bed.

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I cry out his name as I fall over the edge a little while later. I try catching my breath while I feel Peter kiss his way up until he covers my mouth gently. I moan into the kiss as he slides slowly inside of me, grabbing both my hands, intertwining our fingers above my head. I close my eyes feeling him kiss his way down my chin and throat as the image of the kiss I shared with Will, appears before my inner eye. My eyes fly open and I free my hands from Peters and reach for his face, making him look at me. His eyes are filled with desire and arousal but this is nothing compared to the love I see in them. I wonder if I will ever see him look at me this way again after I told him about the kiss.

"I love you." I hope he can't see the betrayal I committed in my eyes but the love I feel for him. He doesn't say anything but leans in and kisses me deeply while he continues the slow love making that has us both find our release a small eternity later.

I lay snuggled up in Peters arms and he is lazily placing kisses on my bare shoulder.

"I kissed Will." I suddenly blurt out. "Last night." I don't know really why but the words are out of my mouth before I can think about it. It's like they've bubbled up inside of me and I have no control over them anymore. I feel Peter stiffen behind me before he pulls back, loosening his embrace. I turn to look at him but can only make out his silhouette in the dark room. I sit up and switch on the bedside lamp before I look at him again.

"Say something, Peter." I watch him sitting on the bed staring at the ceiling.

"Please!" I add after a couple of moments that passed in deafening silence.

All I can hear is the thundering of my heart and suddenly a lump forms in my throat that I can't seem to swallow. I reach out for his hand that lies on the sheet within my grasp but he pulls it away and gets out of the bed. I watch him getting dressed. He still hasn't said a word.

"I don't know why, Peter. It just happened. There is something between Will and me that I can't shut off. I want to and I will and I am even leaving the firm to stop it. Please look at me." I stare at him. He has finished getting dressed and is standing with his back to me in front of the window. I also get up, wrapping the sheet around my body and walk over to him. I stand directly behind him and place one hand on his shoulder. I really need him to look at me right now. I feel him wince under my touch and I retract my hand immediately.

"Why did you tell me?" his voice is barely a whisper and he still stares out the window.

"I needed to tell you, Peter." I sigh deeply. "I can't renew our vows without you knowing this. I am so sorry, Peter." I reach out again for his hand this time but he clenches it in to a fist the moment my fingertips touch it. I feel empty and a sudden fear spreads inside of me. A fear of loosing Peter that makes me all the more realize how much I still love him and need him in my life. I take a deep breath because I feel like I am drowning when he suddenly turns his head and looks at me finally. I focus on his eyes but the love I saw in them not half an hour ago seems to be gone. All I see now is sadness, disappointment and a hint of anger.

"So, you're basically saying you are attracted to Will though you agreed to work on our marriage?" his voice sounds defeated and his gaze is back to the night sky outside the window.

"In a way." I whisper and bow my head staring at the carpet. "But I don't want to. Will and I do not work and I don't love him. I love you, Peter. I really do. Please believe me." My last words are barely audible and I feel tears well up but I try to fight them down.

"I want to, Alicia. But I am not sure I can." he turns toward me and I can feel him watch me.

"Please, Peter." This time I grab his hand with both of mine and to my surprise he lets me hold it.

"I need to think." he pulls his hand away and runs the other one through his hair before he heads for the door. My head spins around and I watch him turn the knob.

"I need to get out of here. I need air." he opens the door.

I walk a few steps toward him but he's shaking his head and I freeze on the spot.

"Don't go, Peter. Let's talk about this. Please!" I realize I am begging now but I have the overwhelming feeling that if I let him leave now everything might be over.

But he just shakes his head again and walks out of the room closing the door behind him. I stumble backwards until I hit the bed and fall on to it. I feel numb and wait for the tears to finally fall, but they won't.

* * *

Three days have passed and I haven't heard a word from Peter. I tried calling him a couple of times but he never picked up. I don't blame him although I felt awful for the last days. I tried to focus on work and planning the new firm with Cary but I don't seem to be able to concentrate on anything. I decided to keep the vacation days I had planned for our trip to Hawaii, though I have given up hope it will happen. I will spend the days with more planning for the new firm and I will be glad to get away from Will. He tried to talk several times but I told him repeatedly there was nothing to talk about, that I told him all there was to say. I had not known a way out of this mess with him when this kiss happened but now I have. And I am determined to follow it. It would be easy to give into temptation now that I am quite sure the next time I will hear from Peter will be the delivery of the divorce papers. But I can't and I won't because what I told Peter that night was the truth. I don't love Will and I am sure we wouldn't work. But what I am even more sure of now is that I want to make things work with Peter again. I have no idea how though as long as he doesn't want to talk to me. I miss him. I am used to not seeing him every day but during the last months we at least spoke over the phone daily. I sigh deeply as I realize how much I really miss talking to him, getting his advise or just hearing his voice. I close my eyes and his sad face from the election night appears in front of me. To my surprise I haven't cried at all but now I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I wipe it away as I suddenly realize I am still in my office staring at the same page of a case file for I do not know how long. I glance to the clock and decide to go home. I gather my files and my purse when my cell beeps, indicating a text has arrived. I search for the phone and read the text.

_**Please come to the airport tomorrow. Bring your suitcase. P.**_

I don't trust my eyes and have to read it several times to really believe I am not dreaming. I don't want to get my hopes up but I can't help but smile as I leave the building to get home and pack.

The next morning I am way too early at the airport. So I sit in the check-in area and constantly glance at my watch while I keep an eye on the entrance.

"Hey, Babe!" his voice startles me and I shiver as I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"Hi, Peter!" I jump from my seat and turn toward him and see him smile.

"Why?" I manage to ask before my voice leaves me.

"I am sorry for leaving like that and not giving you the chance to talk." he sighs and runs his hand nervously through his hair. Seeing that he seems to be as edgy as I am calms me down a bit.

"I understand, Peter." my voice is back and I smile at him shyly.

"And I should've at least picked up the phone when you called me. Maybe not the first time but at least at the 20th time." he smirks at me and I lower my gaze on the floor.

"Look at me, Alicia." I feel his fingers on my chin, lifting it softly to make me look at him. I glance in his eyes and I can see the love in them again. Suddenly I feel so much better, like a weight has been lifted from me just by looking into Peters eyes.

"I needed this time to realize something. You took a leap of faith to forgive me for all the mistakes I made and all the hurt I brought in to your life. And I can only imagine what it took you to trust me enough again to agree on renewing our vows. I have to show you the same faith and trust your words when you tell me that this kiss with Will doesn't mean anything. And there is stuff I have not told you as well."

My heart skips a beat as I hear his last words.

"About the campaign. Those votes were a fraud placed by my team without my knowledge." now it is his turn to lower his gaze to the floor and I am able to breathe again. For a split second I feared he'd admit to another affair and I kick myself mentally for thinking that.

"We have a whole week to talk. Let's do that, okay?" I reach for his hand and squeeze it lightly. He looks up at me and the smile returns to his face again as he nods.

"Thank you!" he leans in and kisses me softly on the lips.

"Shall we then?" he reaches for my suitcase and starts walking towards the check-in but I hold him back. He turns and looks at me worried.

"I trust you, Peter. And I really want to renew our vows." I see him nod again and his smile widens before I place another kiss on his lips. I break the kiss when a sudden flash irritates me and I look around.

"What?" Peter asks me confused as I point towards a paparazzi standing behind a pillar not too far from us still shooting pictures.

"Let's go." I can hear the rising anger in Peter's voice as he starts walking away, pulling me with him. I stop him a second time.

"I don't care." I whisper to him before I kiss him again and slide my arms around him, deepening the kiss further. I can hear the sound of the camera before all the noise fades and nothing else matters than the man I hold close to me.

* * *

It just came to my attention that logged in users who already reviewed the former chapter 4 can't review the new one :(

If you still want to leave a review please log off and do so as guest. Sorry for the inconvenience :( and thanks for reviewing :)


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